VP: Vampire Preparedness

As promised, a post on Vampires.

Everyone knows not all vampires are bad. They all need blood to survive, so keep that inconvenience in mind before settling down with one.

Vampires are hot. However, it's important to remember not to confuse good looking with good. If you do come across an evil one, you must be prepared.

The number one rule of course: never invite them inside. Once invited across your threshold, they can enter anytime they wish. Garlic around any vulnerable entry points is a good idea.

Vampires are repelled by vervain. I drink vervain tea and always carry vervain lotion.

You are usually safe from vampire attacks in bright sunlight, as they seem to avoid it. However, using sunlight as a main form of defense can lead to skin cancer, so I don't recommend it.

If things get desperate, use a stake. I have a vampire stake, carved by my son and given to me as a mother's day gift. It says "Vampire's Bane" in Saxon. It's really cool.

Remember, all vampire stakes should be made of wood. Some people may tell you to use a silver stake, but they are probably a vampire in disguise. It must be wood because wood is alive, and only living material can kill the dead (or the undead, which is a confusing term because they are dead, just back alive--similar to a zombie, but better looking and better smelling.)

For more information on vampires and how to protect yourself, I recommend you read Bram Stoker's Dracula. It's the best and will teach you how they move in fog and can't cross rushing water except when the tide is out or something. And yes, I openly admit that I've been thoroughly entertained by Twilight, Moonlight the TV series, and a few episodes of Vampire Diaries.

Here is my awesome, crazy son who made the vampire stake, owns an anti-zombie gas mask, and is wearing--yes it's true--an authentic Russian ushenka hat.